Bribery
by Lady Hallen
Summary: Teleporting bosses sucked. It doubly sucked if they were supervillains


**Bribery**

 **.**

* * *

It was so, soo difficult to have a boss that teleported.

Darcy didn't really mind the magic tricks, she got used to not screaming at the sudden snakes appearing on top of her lunch box, or kissing an imaginary seahorse that suddenly appeared inside her coffee cup. (After the first fifty times, it got old _really fast_.)

Darcy didn't mind the dramatic cackling. Working for a self-proclaimed villain and an all around asshole made a lot of people pissed off at her boss. So there were epic battles all around the office and pot holes being made on the road around the office. (She'd had to set up a fund for road repairs and maintenance. The city refused to pay it after the first five times.)

What she did mind was the teleporting.

Loki fucking-burdened-with-a-glorious-fucking-purpose Odinson tended to teleport to work randomly.

She could have born his strange habit of appearing _just behind her back_ and breathing heavily down her neck. (She had a taser and wasn't afraid to use it.)

She could have born his even more strange habit of flickering the lights when he did so. (She had high heels and those were a weapon all by itself.)

What she couldn't stand were his appearances that didn't have a freaking schedule.

Teleporting to work should mean that he had no late hours, but Loki had the tendency to arrive when it was nearing noon. (Darcy supposed that he was busy running his evil villain thingy and she's fine with that because not everyone can run a business and do evil stuff at the same time.)

He was the boss, it ought to have been alright if he had sick days. He ran the business and he dictated his own office hours.

Fucking no, it wasn't alright.

How could he sign papers if he wasn't there to sign them?

And it wasn't even the teleporting in that was the problem. The problem was that he _teleported out_.

Nothing, not even handcuffs, could make him stick to one place long enough for Darcy to bribe him for his signature.

There were three dozen proposals and his tax forms needed signing!

Bosses that teleported were fucking exhausting.

.

Darcy met Pepper Potts by accident and both of them knew each other.

Darcy, because she kept up with her social media accounts even if she didn't have much of a social life after working for Loki the-fucking-silver-tongue Odinson. Pepper Potts had a distinctive face in that she was really rather beautiful.

Pepper knew Darcy because apparently, evil villains rhapsodies-ed in battle about their P.A.'s.

She's going to fucking kill him, the next time he teleported in and breathed down her neck.

"Oh, it's you!" Pepper exclaims.

Her startled face doesn't really do anything to how intimidating she is.

Darcy, fed up with the paperwork that's looking like it's starting to do its own culture and population behind her desk, bursts into tears.

"Oh gosh," Pepper says, just a slight bit frantic. She procures a handkerchief, wipes Darcy's face and murmurs soothingly to her. Darcy is half-way in love with her already.

"How do you do it?" Darcy demands. "How do you get Stark to sign anything? Loki just pops in, checks everything is going well for three minutes, and then pops out again. Apparently, his godly mind is so awesome that with just one look, he can assimilate everything and know how everything is going."

Pepper doesn't seem to know what to do with supervillain P.A.'s bursting into tears and asking her for advice. Darcy doesn't care. She's fed up with it and wants to share the pain.

"Bribery," Pepper says automatically. "He responds well with food and um…"

Darcy can fill in the rest, by Pepper's blush.

"He doesn't even like Midgardian food," Darcy mumbles.

But an idea is showing up in her mind and she rolls with it.

.

* * *

Darcy shows up to work the next day wearing a teeny tiny slip of a bikini.

Several employees walk into walls and one unfortunate one gets a concussion. Some women even wolf whistle.

It really leaves nothing to the imagination.

Thankfully, Loki shows up three hours before noon, before Darcy can change her mind and chicken out.

The god of mischief does his usual surveillance and goggles when he sees what she's wearing.

"What in Asgard…" he mumbles.

Darcy smiles at him and she's gratified to see him blush.

"I need your signature for the piles of paper behind me. And then you can look." She declares. She puts on her coat and turns around. In the mirror's reflection, she can see him swallow.

"Huh," he says. "Alright."

Loki starts signing.

.

* * *

Darcy shows up to work the next day absolutely giddy.

She has no paperwork pending, no maintenance and repairs happening and everyone is behaving.

Then Loki appears behind her, arms going around her waist and lips nibbling on her neck.

"What," is all she manages to say before he bites particularly hard and her brain goes empty.

Within another blink, she's back in her apartment, his hands going down her stomach.

Okay, having a boss who teleported might not be so bad.

.

 **I usually show up late to work, and I just realized something. It must be terrifying to have a boss that teleported. So I wrote it down. Somewhere along the way...it turned into something like this.**

 **Please Review.**

 **~hallen**


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